Colonel Cossack and Dick Thompson

Colonel Cossack is one of the two commentators. The other is Dick Thompson He is really crazy, like Laughing Loony and Dwayne Bramage. He has a horse named Trashcan. He is Russian.

In Mr. Extremo Vs The Big Time he was selling power tonic.

It's also known that Colonel Cossack is like The Stash, who is the old and retired member of Dexteras. Colonel looked happy when Dexteras won the tournament, and when the Sinistras won he started crying and claimed that it was the only time in his life he didn't want to see a crushing. He seems to have a rivalry with the Stash. In the match of Hometown Huck vs The Scorchion he said that Huck reminded him of his old friend, Hometown Vladimir. He likes to fight that he can be happy when the crushing began. It revealed he had a brother named Michael, but he became an only child when he crushed him. In the match of Itsy Bitsy vs Milty the Clown, it revealed that Colonel is afraid of clowns and in the quarterfinals he said that he covered himself in Colonel Cossack Invisibility Spray and said Milty is the reason why he invented it and that he'll never find him. Unfortunately, Milty can still see him. He lives in Smolensk, Russia.

Colonel Cossack's friendsEdit

Crazy ThingsEdit

(*Note: When you going to edit this, make sure you've seen the match, so you can put everything that the colonel did.) (8Note: The matches should aslo be in order, from season 1-5)

In every match, the colonel is always doing something crazy in the stands, here is what he does:

Vini Vidi Victory vs Flashback

  • The Colonel was doing random stuff like saying what is even the point of the match because soon there will be wolves that will come for us all.
  • In the end, Dick says that the Dexteras are living to their name and the colonel says that he has no name and Dick says he does, and that his name is Colonel Cossack.

N Fuego vs Unit 19G

  • The Colonel said that he did not miss the fans and that his hungry, tired, and concern of global warming, when N Fuego was doing The Funky Chicken, it reminded him of his Senior Prom.
  • In the end, the colonel has screaming "hooray" and Dick asks him if he's furious that the sinistras won by cheating, and he says no because he found a lollypop.

Wasabi vs Corbata

  • When Corbata used The Cheat Code on Wasabi, he become crazy and shout to let him in the ring, and teach all those Sinistras how to cheat.
  • And in the end of the match, Colonel tells that he's crushing his ears because he don't want to hear The Best Poem Ever.

Senator Skull vs Gary the Intern

  • The Colonel had ants in his pants because he was in an ant hole trying to crush the ants.
  • The Colonel became furious both times Senator Skull used the Sinistra Scissor Choke on Gary the Intern.

Hometown Huck vs The Scorchion

  • The colonel shows him asleep and screams, showing that he screams in his sleep, Colonel Cossack says that there is a Scorpion in The Scorchion's mask, even it's obvious it's the part of his mask, although he says it's to spice things up.
  • In the end of round one, he is talk to his horse Trashcan, saying he's practicing for his new show, The Colonel Cossack Show, asking questions to a rock.
  • And he says that there is a monkey in the ring leaving banana peels everywhere. At the end of the match he gave Dick Thompson a noogie.

Hometown Huck vs Sir Serpent

  • Colonel, obviously becomes crazy when there is no 'crushing' in this match where Huck and Sir Serpent do not want to attack first, He began to slam Trashcan and his face to the desk and say it's not TWF, it's a tea party.

Itsy Bitsy vs Gill

  • Colonel becomes crazy when Dick says some kids in the TV-land are watching us and says threats to them, only leading him to get whacked by a hand.
  • He keep this threat to the kids of TV-land until the Final of the match when he says that Gill's bubbles are scary.

Itsy Bitsy vs Ouch

  • Colonel said he was an inspector. When Itsy Bitsy was in the ring he said that he found out that she was a wrestler. Then when Ouch broke his arm he said that he found out Ouch broke his arm. He also deduced that there will be a surpise & that Itsy Bitsy is the winner.

The Big Time vs Tom Cat

  • Colonel starts digging hole to china because he hears there is a great wall to crush there leaves and comes back with a postcard saying it was before crushing.

N Fuego vs Danny Kaboom

  • Colonel is mad at the comissioner making the match with no explosions and fire that he wants to go home & take a nap.
  • Colonel eats popcorn after Danny and N Fuego are starting the explosions and fire.

Mr. Extremo vs Senator Skull

  • Colonel says that the loser of the championship will be thrown to the wolves. When Dick explains that the loser will just go home, Colonel asks Dick what he'll do with the wolves.
  • Colonel shows a stunt to Dick where he bungee-drops himself to a bucket of pudding, which Dick didn't seem to find "extreme"
  • Colonel creates a secret plan, involving Trashcan, "Attention, Trashcan! Code Purple! Dick Thompson must be neutralized!", not knowing Dick can hear him.

Itsy Bitsy vs Milty the Clown

  • Colonel says that clowns belong in zoo with "other horrible things".
  • When Dick heard Colonel wishing Milty will leave, Dick realized that Colonel is afraid of clowns.

Queen Nefercreepy vs Milty the Clown

  • Colonel thinks he has coated himself with "Colonel Cossack's Invisibility Spray", but Dick says he can see him. Colonel also said he isn't wearing underpants.
  • Colonel crushes Colonel and Dick says he saw him doing it, but Colonel thinks he's invisible.
  • When Milty was introduced, Colonel said he was the reason he coated himself with invisiblity spray, but Milty can see him, making him shriek, proving his fear of clowns.
  • Colonel thinks Nefercreepy can't see him because he's invisibile, but Dick says she is just ignoring him, though Colonel is fine with it.
  • Colonel said that he's glad he doesn't need to be invisible to hide from Milty anymore.

Face-Off Phil vs Senator Skull

  • Colonel thought he developed X-Ray Vision because of seeing Senator Skull's insides, not knowing that Senator Skull's skull is right in his face so he doesn't need X-Ray vision to see it.
  • Colonel thinks the reason he can't see Face-Off Phil's x-ray is because his mask is made of lint.
  • In the end, Colonel says that Dick Thompson has big, polka-dot underpants.

Wasabi vs Itsy Bitsy

  • Colonel wants Dick to greet his friend, Mr. Pooka.
  • Colonel said that Mr. Pooka plays the banjo, "the most terrifying instrument of all"
  • When Dick sees Mr. Pooka and sees he seems to be happy, Colonel said Mr. Pooka is most terrifying when he's happy.

Knockout Ninja vs N Fuego

  • Colonel thought Knockout Ninja's name is pronounced with a k sound, but Dick says the k is silent. Colonel thinks it's silly and starts to teach Colonel his own english.
  • Colonel teaches Dick the "never-sighted Russian Alphabet". During the song, there was a backwards R, an O with an I through it and backwards 3.
  • Colonel writes a letter to a dictionary saying, "Dear, Mr. Dictionary, you stink!"

Cleat Cunningham vs Big Bad Billy Goatetsky

  • Colonel sings like England and plays guitar solo.